The rollercoaster

Here we go again. Every 3 months or so, am subjected to the gamut of tests to see where this thing is at. This quarter it’s a breast ultrasound and a CT scan of my chest abdomen and pelvis. No brain MRI for now, because I had one a month or so ago. I’ll have another one of those in a month or two.

In between scans, I feel great – healthy, positive, happy. In the week or two leading up to scan time, I feel terrified, teary, doom-filled. I hate this rollercoaster.

In reality, nothing changes from one week to the next, except perception. I still feel healthy. When the doom-filled thoughts subside, I feel positive and happy. But the uncertainty about what results the scans will bring sets in motion a cascade of emotion. Of course it may all change when I get the results. But then again, I won’t change. I feel healthy and that’s all I can go on.

Still, I am waiting to hear some magic words – “cancer-free”. I would be pretty happy to hear that there has been significant shrinkage. Let’s see.


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2 responses to “The rollercoaster

  1. I can’t begin to imagine the emotions that you must go through daily, weekly, monthly. Praying for you and hoping this round brings positive news. xoxo

  2. Sonia Southern

    Fingers crossed it’s shrinking Beautiful Girl … keep that Positive Energy up makes all the difference xxx

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