Daily Archives: December 16, 2015

The rollercoaster

Here we go again. Every 3 months or so, am subjected to the gamut of tests to see where this thing is at. This quarter it’s a breast ultrasound and a CT scan of my chest abdomen and pelvis. No brain MRI for now, because I had one a month or so ago. I’ll have another one of those in a month or two.

In between scans, I feel great – healthy, positive, happy. In the week or two leading up to scan time, I feel terrified, teary, doom-filled. I hate this rollercoaster.

In reality, nothing changes from one week to the next, except perception. I still feel healthy. When the doom-filled thoughts subside, I feel positive and happy. But the uncertainty about what results the scans will bring sets in motion a cascade of emotion. Of course it may all change when I get the results. But then again, I won’t change. I feel healthy and that’s all I can go on.

Still, I am waiting to hear some magic words – “cancer-free”. I would be pretty happy to hear that there has been significant shrinkage. Let’s see.

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