I’m finding this cycle really difficult, and I’m not sure why. It’s a whole lot easier that a stimulated cycle – minimal drugs, no surgery, and after all, it’s my third run at it so I should be getting better at the whole thing.
But I feel stressed. Like there should be more to it. I only have to inject 50 units of Gonal-f (no Lucrin this cycle). Last stim cycle I had to inject 600 units, so 50 feels like nothing. Surely it’s not enough to do anything? But of course it is – I think it’s supposed to help the uterine lining to thicken up to make it nice n comfy for its visitor.
I think the reality that this is my third and final go is sinking in and I’m thinking more and more of failure. Not consciously so much as feeling. I don’t want to think negatively – I do feel it will work this time. But I’m nervous somehow. I just feel a bit overwhelmed.
And I scratched my new car on day 2. DAY TWO! And today, day 3 of my new car, I left the lights on. When I got back to my new car, six or so hours, two cups of tea, Tim Tams, cafe lunch, bookshop browsing, and two hours sighing over Ryan and George in The Ides of March later, the battery was flat. Even though the car beeps when i open the door when the lights are on. I don’t know where my mind was when I got out of the car – stressed somewhere. Luckily I happened to park right next door to a mechanic’s so he jump started my car. Then I stressed all the way home that I’d hurt the car.
And it’s been raining all week, literally all week. Which has added to my stress and is really, really depressing.
And I’m thinking why on earth did I sign up for ICLW because I’m really busy this week and next and have had hardly any time to sit and read all those blogs and commenting six times and that’s stressing me out as well. I didn’t realise these few weeks would be so busy and I’ve just made them busier. I’m doing a course for work this coming Monday and next Monday, which means I will have to go into work on the weekends to get some work done, and I’ve decided to try and flog old stock from a business I started a few years ago so I’ve booked the next four Sundays at the markets. Which is really hard work, but I really need to sell some of that stock to pay for the car and replenish my depleted bank account.
And a guy I went out with six months ago and disappeared without a trace texted me last night. WTF.
And I’ve hardly had time to go to yoga, which is really stressing me oout. Breathe. Breathe deeply.