Bad pun, I know. But, so far, so good.
I feel so remarkably different now to how I felt at the same stage last time. I feel perfectly normal. I have no inkling as to whether I am or I’m not, and thinking too hard just sends you mental. For instance, the acupuncturist I went to see last week, as I mentioned before, said that actually constipation is a good thing, because it means your body is trying to hold on to everything. Except that now I am not constipated, I’m thinking, nooo, my body’s not holding on! And considering how sick I was last time…
See, it does your head in.
Of course, The Fear grips me every now and then, mainly The Fear of it actually succeeding. Why did I want to do this again? It’s so abstract, so not-in-my-experience, so is-my-life-so-bad-as-it-is that sometimes I think – wait, what am I doing?
This feeling is combined with the please work, please stick, what if it hasn’t and I’m already not pregnant (instead of just being not pregnant in 10 days time if it’s negative, because if it hasn’t stuck by now, it’s never going to). And the anticipation of the next phase of my life, which I really, really want to include a child.
And again that feeling of limbo – what IS the next phase of my life? I’m trying to make plans here baby! Make your presence felt!
And how do I keep this blog going?! Anything my millions of readers want to hear about?? My specialty subjects are yoga, meditation, the dearth of good, available men in Sydney (that’s probably not really a specialty is it), wellbeing, IVF, health. I’m hoping I’ll be writing about pregnancy and motherhood, but in the meantime, it’s pick-a-topic-out-of-the-hat time.
While I’m here – does anyone know anything about dying your hair while pregnant? I did a bit of research and it seems it’s a bit of an old wives’ tale. You see, I’ve been going grey bit by bit since I was 19, so now it’s getting really ugly and I simply can’t not dye my hair for 9 months! I bought some dye the other day from the health food shop – all natural ingredients. Disaster. I now have bright red roots, orange at the temples, and with bits I missed, because I’ve got a lot of hair. I was considering wearing a hat to work today, which would have been fine if it was the 1950s, but it’s not.
And having said that, I’m off to wash my hair. Vigorously.