The year of living dangerously, or selfishly, or just under a general

My ovaries are sending Morse code, but I’m not sure to who. I guess to me, I’m the only one listening. I think they are saying they are ready – and the doctor agrees. So off to hospital I go again tomorrow for egg pick up. For someone who had never had an operation before – not even tonsils or appendicitis as a child – this year has been the year of anaesthesia. This will be the third time I’ve gone under, and weirdly I’m looking forward to it. Yeah that is weird! Because it’s really not the funnest thing on earth.

My intention is for at least six good eggs to be harvested, and six to be fertilised (do you hear that universe – SIX GOOD, HEALTHY, FERTILISED EGGS), so I have some to freeze. But of course, when the first lot are put back into their nine-month rental, they (well ONE) will attach and stick and grow into a fat, happy, healthy baby. (Do you hear that universe? A FAT, HAPPY, HEALTHY BABY).

That is my intenti0n, and if you, dear readers, can put that intention out there that would be be very helpful. Thanks.

Lots of caps there. More to come.

A few weeks ago, some obstetrician in Perth made comments in the media condemning “older” women who choose to have babies as “entirely self-centred”. He said, “It is selfish and self-centred of older women to have babies because they are not just babies – they are babies for a little while and they become people.” If you really want, you can read what he says here.

Gosh, who knew? I mean seriously, WHO FUCKING KNEW THAT?? Here I was labouring under the misapprehension that I would just have a cute little accessory that I could dress up in Prada booties until I tired of it (I can’t afford Prada booties for myself, but I would buy my little accessory only the best. I’m THAT selfish). Little did I know that – apparently – they grow up to be human beings who require unconditional  love, affection, food, a roof over their head, schooling, and that’s just for starters.

Funny, because my reasons for having a child are the complete opposite of selfish. In fact, my whole life until this point has pretty much been about me, and I am, quite frankly, a bit bored with it. I actually WANT to not be selfish. And I would have thought that having a child, at no matter what age, would be the most selfless thing a woman could ever do (I don’t leave men out of this, a man can want a child for completely selfless reasons too).

Apparently this bloke’s beef is that we would be burdening the child (who I have only just found out grows up to be an adult) with a geriatric parent. He does not mention men. Who I have already mentioned in an earlier post, are sometimes quite reluctant to come to the baby-making party, because they do not have quite the same biological time-bombs ticking away. They are not selfish apparently. They don’t seem to be even involved in the equation, if his comments are anything to go by.

For me, and for many, it was not a “choice” to be doing this at this late date (I refuse to call myself “older”!), it just happened. I didn’t – haven’t yet – met the man of my life. There are many reasons for this, only one of which is that I’m a fussy cow!

I presume it was in response to the aforementioned good doctor’s remarks that some other “expert” – the head of Monash IVF in fact (lots of quotation marks today as well) has been counselling women work “harder to find a partner or change their criteria for Mr Right… maybe you have to settle for Mr Not Too Bad.” Oh dear God, all I have to say to him is BUGGER RIGHT OFF.

Because that’s not selfish at all is it – I want a child, so any old guy will do. What should I have done – back in 2002 sitting in, I don’t know, The Light Brigade pub in Paddington (we used to go there a lot), say to my friends, “Right, the next bloke who walks into the bar is MINE, because I want to get knocked up.”

Don’t get me wrong, I have many, MANY times berated myself for being too fussy, not giving guys a chance, dismissing someone for the most spurious of reasons, etc, etc. But that’s me. My personality. Partly because I am unwilling to “settle”, partly because I am, or have been, terrified of commitment, partly because it takes a long time to get to know me and by the time I’m ready to show myself, the guy has lost interest. How much am I fucked up? Let me count the ways.

The point is, My Half-Right just doesn’t appeal to me – funny huh.

Perhaps old men should keep their mouths shut and stop judging women for their motives, of which they know nothing.


Filed under ART, IVF, pregnant over 40, relationships, Uncategorized

7 responses to “The year of living dangerously, or selfishly, or just under a general

  1. Fanny

    Hey Michelle The guy’s entitledto his opinion based on his experience (however misguided) just as you are yours. Don’t waste your energy on this. You don’t have to justify what you’re doing to himor to us. Just get on calmly with having your baby. Thats what matters. I’m thinking of youand hoping nxt stage goes well Fxx

    • Thanks Fan, yes I know, I’m not wasting my energy though. That guy has had loads of follow-up press so I bet he’s eating his words, or at least regretting having a big mouth!

      I’m reading your book and really enjoying it! It reminds me of Ockenden Rd and the many wines we had around the kitchen table. Hope it’s selling well.


  2. Tricia

    It seems these articles about “selfish women” are always written by older men. How is it that they know so damn much about women and biological clocks and what is right for us? Screw them and their opinions!
    PS- I’ll be pulling for your eggs ( grow! Grow! Grow!) but in the near future you have to be pulling for my 2 frozen embys (stick! Stick! Stick!) =) good luck!

  3. Janene

    Hi Michelle, having fun reading your blogs, good luck with it all. It is a very trying time in your life but well worth the effort/needles/bloodtests/anxious waits. I went through IVF 7 times, yes 7 times before I got lucky! I am now the proud mummy of 17 year old twins who have give me pure joy and love every day of our precious lives together -(tears welling up as I type!!) Hang in there, Janene

    • Gosh I so admire you – 7 times! That takes an enormous amount of strength. 17 years old! I think I’ll be cool (freaked out but cool) with twins – instant famiglia!

  4. Something funny going on – thought I had replied separately to each comment but they’ve disappeared. Will try again.

    Thank you all for your support! They took 6 eggs, of which 5 are good for insemination. Will have to wait and see what happens overnight. All five will fertilise!

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