Life. On. Hold. That’s what this feels like.
As I said before, this time around, the breathless excitement has gone and now I’m (kind of) just getting on with life. Like, on Saturday night I had a whole bottle of wine out at dinner. Actually a bit more because the owner gave us a complementary glass of dessert wine at the end. So delicious. A whole bottle though! It doesn’t take long to re-establish old habits. I felt a wee bit guilty the next day but my body didn’t seem to protest too much – it hasn’t forgotten how to metabolise that much booze! And it was nice to have that month “off” in between not getting pregnant and starting again.
But still, limbo. I want to move. But I can’t think about that yet as all my financial and mental and physical resources are tied up in this effort. I want to buy a new car. Ditto. I need some new work clothes, but will there be any point in buying size 10s, when I might need expanda-clothes?
And now I’m waiting for my period to start. It’s late. Bloody hormones.
I started Lucrin again a week ago, going back to the clinic for a blood test and scan on Wednesday. Having acupuncture twice a week at a specialised acupuncture for IVF clinic. More money. And waiting.
Think I need to meditate.