Stresssss

Stressful afternoon. STRESSFUL!

I want a glass of wine. I really want wine.

The thing with this thing is, it’s not something you can flake on. It’s not a wishy-washy, turn-up-sometime-any-time, laid-back, whatevs kind of thing. Kind of un-Australian really. You can’t be late for an appointment. You can’t be late for an injection. If they say be here for blood tests at 8.36am, you are there are 8.36am.

My appointment today was for 3.30pm. I’ve made that appointment in easy time before but now the stakes are high. Timing is everything. So at 2.48, when I am still in traffic in the Eastern Suburbs – 20 minutes after leaving my home in the — Eastern Suburbs (sorry non-Sydney people) — FUCK, I try not to say fuck. I finally get to the M5 motorway – that fucking road will give me an aneurysm. 5kms in a tunnel, at 20kms an hour, surrounded by big trucks. Then more gridlock. I cry.

And this is after last night, when I had a bit of a panic attack about whether I had shut the car door properly – I got out of bed, went downstairs and checked. All fine. I’ not going to make that mistake again!

I was panicking because I thought they had said the doctor had to leave early, so I really had to be there on time. In the end I think I was 15-20 minutes late, and then the doctor didn’t even bother doing the scan (not sure why); I just had blood tests to check my hormones levels. I wonder what other kind of stressed out  hormones they will find in that blood, I was pretty wired.  The blood tests are to determine that the hormones that naturally occur at this point are partially blocked – what they call “down-regulated”.

ANYWAY. Another little esky full of goodies – Gonal-f, 450 units at the same time as the Lucrin. This is the follicle stimulating hormone  which will stimulate the growth of my eggs. I think this is the fun one. The one where your emotions go haywire. If I thought the Lucrin was pulling  my strings, I think the Gonal-f may be the real puppetmaster. I’ll let you know – I start it on Sunday.

And I seriously could not have timed this at a worse time work-wise. It is the busiest 3 weeks of the year for me, bar none! Although if I had started a month earlier, it’s possible that the egg collection would be about now, meaning I would have to take a day off, which would have been almost impossible to do without losing my job – I simply could not take time off work unless I’d been hit by a car. In front of my work colleagues.

So being pumped full of hormones during the busiest week (yes, the busiest 3 weeks, and next week is the busiest of the three – ha ha ha – timing IS everything)… this is going to be … interesting. I’m a bit scared actually!

I really want a large glass of velvety,peppery, yummy, stress-relieving red wine. But I have a herbal tea. Then meditate. Which was good, I felt calmer. But I still want that glass of wine.

Quick post script if it’s not too much information – the only side effect so far from the Lucrin is a ludicrously heavy period. I thought half my insides were shedding.

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2 Comments

Filed under ART, IVF

2 responses to “Stresssss

  1. That wine sounds goooood.

    I’ve got a bottle of pink champagne in the fridge that I got for my birthday. I’m tempted to crack it open (for my guests of course, I’d only have a sip) when I get my BFP. But then I wonder about waiting until everything is ok at 12 weeks? And then I think well if I wait until the baby is born I can wet the baby’s head…

    But fuck it, I think I’ll do it on my BFP. I’ve waited years for this day so I might as well celebrate it in style. Not drinking wine is going to be so hard, but I’m not going to turn down a glass at dinner if I’m out, just not every week. Deep breaths hon…

    x

  2. Catriona

    Hang in there, Honey Bun… It’s worth it. You’re going to make a new person. Your person. That’s all that matters.
    Just think long term – not just the trivialities of the day to day (doesn’t count for sh*t in the long run).
    I’m thinking of you and saying a wee prayer for you (and that little person that needs you and needs to be in your life).
    Lots & lots of love,
    your ‘oldest’ friend,
    ‘Triona. xx

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